Blog: Ramblings and Rants

I was nearly finished typing a post that told you about my hour-plus-long call with Chris and about how grateful I am for the support of my friends, The, Strawberry Blonde, and my mother, but I erased it. Some things are too personal.

Chris is the brother I never had. One fateful night at Java Lava two strangers met over a chess game that would bring into both of their lives the missing spiritual brother for whom they had longed. I can’t bear the thought of him experiencing so much pain as that entailed in the loss of his mother. I feel so fucking impotent, trapped as I am on the opposite coast while he endures this time alone.

I got an instant message from Chris. He’ll contact me later.

I was going to tell you about the amazing night I had with Strawberry Blonde. I was going to talk about how we sat in absolute darkness for hours just being together. I had planned to tell you about some of the qualities she possesses, qualities I’ve spent my life searching for in partner.

Then I was going to tell you about the fun The and I had seing the band Chapter’s End downtown, and all the hilarious spontaneous nudity we witnessed at the concert and afterward. I was going to mention how much I appreciate The’s friendship.

I was going to answer the Saturday Slant and tell you about my first kiss.

There were quite a few things I was going to tell you, but instead I’ll tell you what was waiting for me when I returned home tonight.

In my inbox was an e-mail from my best friend informing me that his mother will likely die before the weekend is out. The minor stroke she suffered last weekend, the one that, though it took the vision in her left eye, neither she nor her son took too seriously, was not minor. The stroke initiated cerebral hemoraging and has apparently exacerbated an existing heart condition. Her pain and suffering are apparently tremendous. She’ll be gone within the next few days.

The message went on to inform me that my best friend shall follow his mother within a few months courtesy of heart disease.

All this week I’ve been ill at ease about this. I knew something was wrong, that Chris’s making light of his mother’s condition was a dodge, that there was something more. I felt it in my gut, though he did his damnedest to block my psychic perceptions. I kept hoping I was wrong. I have a tendency to do that, to doubt my own abilities when they tell me something terrible.

Chris isn’t the type to go slow. Neither is his mother. From the e-mail I get the distinct feeling that they both might elect dignity over time. I fear that they may already be gone.

Yes, that’s her name. Not really, of course, though “The” isn’t The’s real name either. I’m big on privacy—especially not violating other’s—so I’m not going to go plastering their names all over my blog unless they give me permission to do so.

I’m so… Not in this room at this very moment that I can barely string together a basic sentence. Hopefully this won’t be unreadable.

The minute you stop looking for something, you’ll find it.

The and I were discussing the latest CNN coverage of the war yesterday. I don’t watch it—which he knows—so he filled me in on something he correctly believed I didn’t already know. I suppose it isn’t news to most of the world since most of you are watching the live broadcasts of As The War Turns. Apparently now combat units are equipped with video cameras that capture frontline combat as it happens. According to The, this footage is being broadcast live and uncut in all its bloody glory across the news. People are dying live and on camera in your living room. This is reality television at its penultimate. What a fucking rush!

It makes me sick.

I’ve seen the reality TV trend building, one dumb show after another. As offensive and twisted as I felt Temptation Island to be, I knew it would get infinitely worse before the wave broke and we began shutting off our televisions. It has gotten worse.

We’re now staging a war for entertainment, killing other human beings in living night-vision green color for your enjoyment!

Ok, so if this is the penultimate, what do I consider the ultimate? The full and deliberate orchestration of human death for a TV camera. At least on As The War Turns the Iraqis aren’t willingly sacrificing themselves for your pleasure. Such a thing wherein people allows their lives to be taken to achieve their fifteen minutes of fame is no longer a long way off. Hell, if the most powerful man in the free world, the man whose responsibility it is to set an example as the moral compass for the world, is willing to send you high-definition, full stereo military-style death to mollify the masses, why the fuck shouldn’t some governor somewhere offer up his deathrow prisoners for primetime live execution or even to battle other prisoners to the death?

This is fucking abhorrent.

Happy Snoopy Dance

I had an amazing date last night with an incredible woman. We saw The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers, and talked for hours before and after. I’m glowing and doing the Happy Snoopy Dance in my head too much to concentrate on typing the details. She’s intelligent, attractive, upbeat and positive, and tremendously funny. We met on one of the online dating services. I can’t stop smiling. You’ve gotta understand, I only do the Happy Snoopy Dance in my head when I’m really happy, really jazzed.

I’m doing the Happy Snoopy Dance in my head.

I’ve long maintained that the Internet and television will one day merge. We’ll be able to watch television—the news, for example—and click on a hyperlink embedded in a ticker at the bottom of the screen to go to a web page providing more indepth information about the broadcast topic. Think about it: During a presidential race a newscaster reads off the latest poll results, and one may click on a hyperlink to see a detailed breakdown of the poll by states and districts in a sidebar that appears beside the live video feed. What about watching a movie and pulling up details or even a fan site about an actor? Movies on demand are also a major possibility.

Update from Chad on Portland protests, Friday 21 March 2003 (blogged with permission)

In many ways, its very touching. There are people marching in the streets, confronting police, blocking bridges and major roads. Some of the signs and slogans are a bit cryptic and I don’t really get it, but its still clearly a widespread, heartfelt series of expressions of outrage and remorse.

12 hours of daylight and 12 hours of night time. From here on out, the mornings and evenings get brighter.

Happy Vernal Equinox!

Today was my birthday. I’m {ERROR: UNRECOGNIZED NUMERALS} years old today.

It was a very happy birthday indeed. Here’s how it went…

Today is also Kymberlie’s birthday. Happy birthday, Kymberlie!

I didn’t forget. Honest. I’ve just been out all day, and wanted to spend a couple minutes making the above for this post. I rushed home, as a matter of fact, because I wanted to get his up before midnight.

If you forgot, stop on by Neurotic Fishbowl and wish her a happy birthday!

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday dear meeee. Happy birthday to me.

Super quick post ’cause I spent the day shopping and now have to go get ready for my date.

I had a wonderful weekend!

Though I missed my traditional tear-jerker Saturday morning movie, this was a very relaxing and fun-filled weekend.

I spent early Saturday afternoon…

Sometimes I am surprised by people. Sometimes, from within the depths of their hearts, my friends prove themselves stronger and more loyal than I would have thought.

I’m feeling very loved and valued right now.

Thanks, Max.

Action Man Talking Commander

Kinda neat.

the friday five

1. Do you like talking on the phone? Why or why not?

2. Who is the last person you talked to on the phone?

3. About how many telephones do you have at home?

4. Have you encountered anyone who has really bad phone manners? What happened?

5. Would you rather pick up the phone and call someone or write them an e-mail or a letter? Why or why not?

My answers…

3 for Thursday: Quirks

1. What are 3 things people find quirky about you?

2. What are 3 strange habits you have?

3. What are 3 of the quirkiest things you’ve ever noticed about someone?

My answers…